DIASTASIS

I agitate the custard and yell at my husband

though I don't even remember what I'm spazzing about

since it's the fight we've had for 23 years

so familiar it's built into our limbs and mouths

and then the custard fucking curdles and 

just so you know

my custard never fucking curdles

and I kick everyone out of the kitchen.

I put a hand on my belly

pinky on my belly button

thumb all the way up and under my front lower ribs

and I quietly blame everything on this abdominal split

(caused by the pressure of my in utero Dash)

because somehow someone something

must be interfering with my ability to

do good parenting and good partnering

and good handstands.

I chop the leeks and imagine

my sides growing back together

and I wonder what makes a frittata a frittata

and not a Spanish tortilla or an omelette

and I decide I don't care

and I just start busting them out

with creme fraiche and leeks and spring onions

and so much trendy kale

that my daughter will say she's going to puke

if she even has to LOOK at it

but i think I'm onto something

so I make one more

packed with purple potatoes and asparagus.

I tuck in my shirt and secure my hair

in what one of those magazines I no longer read

would call a sexy messy bun

place my hands on the floor

imagine my hands are feet

spread my fingers wide

but not too wide

empty my mind

exhale bend my knees

inhale float my legs up up up

until my toes point to the ceiling my two legs as one

and I focus

on weaving knitting soldering my abdominals back together

because that's what will make me a nicer

wife mother yogi cook friend lover person

and then I'm floating for the first time ever

on my hands

for more than one round of breath

with this crazy ass intention of bringing everything

back into my center
and crash
I'm down again.

I yell everyone back into the kitchen

away from Legos and wrestling and The Hunger Games
and a surprising amount of the crispy bubbling feta-topped egg cake
gets into their little bellies
so they earn their curdled custard ice cream
and then I set them free.

Glued to my seat and my wine
I manage to
look my husband in the eye and

I listen
roll my eyes
sigh

hold my breath
shiver
smile

as he tells me 

yes you're hormonal yes you're insane yes

you make me want to move to Los Angeles

permanently away from you

and I will take the kids and oh yes

you have a nice ass

and yes that was the best frittata I've ever had.

ASPARAGUS AND POTATO FRITTATA

printable recipe

serves 4-6

(My friend Erin and I have been chatting about frittatas. She can't stop making them either. She has been putting feta on top of hers. Genius. Now I am too. Check out her beautiful blog Yummy Supper. And she should have a frittata post up soon.)

You can pretty much throw anything into a frittata. Any cheese. Any (pre-cooked) vegetables or meat: peppers, cauliflower, sliced sausage, chopped crispy bacon, strips of cooked chicken breast. It's a great empty-out-the-fridge one-pot meal.  It can be beautiful to look at. It can also be funky and very green and super funny messy looking. In my opinion, it must have at least a few of the following toppings: sriracha, ketchup, chopped chives, avocado slices, lime, sour cream.

This recipe calls for potatoes and asparagus. But you can just as easily add finely chopped kale (or any combo of greens like chard, arugula, spinach) into the onions instead of the asparagus. Or add it along with the asparagus, though that would be a bit heavy on the greens (I love this, my kids do not).

It's best eaten right away. But you can also serve it room temperature. Or heat it up the next day.

ingredients

for the vegetables:

2 tablespoons olive oil

2 tablespoon butter

1/2 yellow onion, peeled and diced

2 large leeks, cleaned, trimmed of tough green part, thinly sliced

big pinch salt

pepper

10 small potatoes cooked in salty water until tender and then halved (purple or yukon gold work well)

8 spears asparagus, trimmed, quickly cooked in salty water but still crisp, sliced into 1 inch pieces

1 clove garlic, grated, chopped, or pressed

2 teaspoons lemon zest.

for the eggs:

12 eggs

3/4 cup creme fraiche or heavy cream

3/4 grated firm or semi-firm cheese (any combination of parmesan, percorio, manchego, gruyere, cheddar)

big pinch salt 

pepper

for when it goes under the broiler:

1/2 cup feta cheese (or goat), crumbled

1/4 cup parmesan, grated

crunchy salt

for the toppings:

sriracha

chopped parsley and chives

avocado slices

sour cream, creme fraiche, or yoghurt (another nice option is sour cream thinned with heavy cream)

directions:

Crank a 10 inch oven-safe pan (I use cast iron) to medium heat. Add olive oil and butter. When butter is melted, add onions, leeks, salt, and pepper. Cook, stirring often, until tender and starting to brown a bit (about 20 minutes). 

While onions are cooking, vigorously whisk together eggs, creme fraiche, cheese, salt, and pepper until well-combined and foamy. Set aside.

Preheat oven to a high broil.

Turn heat up to high under onions and toss in potatoes and asparagus. Add grated garlic and lemon zest. Cook, stirring entire time, for a minute.

Give the eggs one final whisk and then pour over the vegetables. Stir until all vegetables are coated with eggs. Turn down to medium heat. Then leave it alone to start to set. You can put a lid on it. Or not. Be aware of heat going onto bottom of pan and make sure it's not too hot. The eggs don't taste so good when they get too brown.

 Once the eggs are about halfway set, take off heat and sprinkle top with feta, parmesan, and some crunchy salt. Place under the broiler and don't walk away. If if browns too quickly, place on a lower shelf in the oven. Check for doneness after a minute by poking around in the middle of the frittata with a paring knife. An undercooked frittata is nasty. Try to find that perfect moment when the very center isn't quite set because it will continue to cook a bit after you take it out of the oven. 

While it's still piping hot, slide a knife around and dislodge the sides from the pan. Use a spatula and slowly slide it under the frittata. Do this all the way around, making sure you make it all the way to the center. You can serve it in the cast iron pan. Or you can flip it out on a plate. Just make sure you serve it crispy-feta side up.

Serve with toppings (see ingredients above for ideas).