MAKING IT UP AS I GO ALONG

Mom. Put down your phone.

I place it on the floor and throw my hands up.

Bang. You're dead. Now, mom, just snuggle with me in my bed. Please.

No, thanks.

I don't know how to lie down next to a child at night without falling asleep.

Just for a moment. Come on.

Okay, Dash. But please keep me awake. I have so much to do.

Aren't you done writing your book? You're taking forever.

I collapse on the bed. He drags his comforter up to my chin.

Mom. How can I keep you awake?

Ask me questions, Dash.

Why do you put that face powder on in the morning?

To even out my skin tone.

Why do onions make you cry?

They make other people cry too.

Do oysters breathe? Do they have mouths? Do they eat?

Yes. I don't know. Yes.

How many bones are in the body?

I aced my anatomy final at 20.  And then again at 30. 

103 bones.

Wow.

 Now it's my turn, Dash. I have a question.

Okay.

Did you like my blackberry pie?

Yes. Yes, I did.

Cool. Because it was my first one. So I was a little nervous about it.

It was deeeeeeelicious.

Oh that's so freaking cool. I thought it was delicious too.

Don't say freaking, mom. It's a bad word.

Did you know that my love for you is so deep that I feel it in the marrow of my bones?

Eww. Mom. God. Yuck. Just stop talking. Close your eyes. You are getting veeeeeererrrryyyy sleeeeeepppppyyyyyy. 

I pull George the stuffed cheetah straight to my chest.

Dashi?

What?

How much do you love me?

Way more than pie.

I startle awake in the middle of the night with a sweaty Dashoctopus glued to my torso, fingers grasping my collar bones, legs wrapped around mine as if he's climbing a tree. I unhook, unwrap, and unstick my creature and roll him over to his skeleton pillow.

I pick my phone up off the floor and Google "how many bones are in the human body?"

Whoops.

I carefully lift Dash's arm up off of his chest and start palpating his hand, looking for all 27 of his six-year-old hand bones.

Mom. What are you doing? Stop. 

I just want you to know that I was wrong. There are 206 bones in the body. Not 103. 

Whatever. Good night. Happy Dreams.

So the pie...

Weaving together the strips of dough on a warm afternoon was a bitch, requiring all kinds of patching, tucking, and faking-it tweaking.

A quarter of the latticed lid fell down into the macerating fruit even before I put it in the oven. It continued to descend into the steamy jam as it cooked.

I pulled it out of the oven and put it back in and pulled it back out put it back in.

I talked to it.

I got down on my knees and then my belly and photographed the scrappy mashup from every angle—splats, leftovers, and all.

This is not your great-grandmother's pie. There were no lessons passed down through hands or tales or stained recipe cards. I made it up.

It was a hot beautiful mess.

BLACKBERRY PIE
printable recipe

serves 6-8
Remember to make your pie dough a few hours or a day ahead.
I used a 9" round pie plate (8" square works great too).
I approached this pie the way I make tarts: not too sweet and a bit undercooked. Taste your berries. If they're tart, add a few extra tablespoons of sugar. The pie will be juicy and runny and messy. It will probably bubble over. And if you want how-tos on latticing your pie, head on over to Simply Recipes or Food52, because I don't know what I'm doing! But it's fun to play. Improvise if you feel like it. I did! It will taste the same.

ingredients:

2 batches pie dough, chilled for at least 2 hours

6 cups blackberries

1/4 teaspoon salt

2 tablespoons sugar

2 tablespoons all-purpose flour

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

1 tablespoon lemon juice

1 teaspoon finely grated lemon zest

1 egg

1 tablespoon heavy cream

2 tablespoon turbinado sugar

directions:

Remove the discs of dough from the fridge and set aside to soften for about 20 minutes.

Preheat the oven to 400°F.

In a large bowl, toss together the berries, salt, sugar, flour, vanilla, lemon juice, and zest. Set aside until the juices start to flow. About 20 minutes. Stir occasionally.

On a piece of parchment paper, roll out one disc of dough to about an inch larger in diameter than your pie plate. With a pizza cutter, a knife, or scissors, cut into 1" strips. Set aside. If it's a hot afternoon, chill until ready to use.

Roll out the other disc of dough to about about an inch larger in diameter than your pie plate. Press into the pie plate, leaving an inch overhang. Fill with the berry mixture. Start latticing with the pre-cut strips. See links above in the recipe intro for details. Visuals really help.  Or wing it like I did: weave the strips together into a lovely quadrant pattern and hope for the best. With your thumb or a fork, crimp the the top lattice pieces down to the lower disc of dough. Trim off excess and freeze scraps for later use.

Whisk together egg and cream. With a pastry brush or a spoon, paint exposed tart dough with the mixture. Sprinkle with with turbinado sugar.

Bake until lattice top is golden brown and fruit is bubbling and starting to soften (about 45 minutes). If the pie starts to brown too quickly on top, turn the temperature down to 375°F and cover with tin foil. Serve with vanilla bean ice cream. It's great cold for breakfast splashed with heavy cream or half and half.