HOW WE MEDITATE IN BERKELEY

Call out I'm massaging some kale, who wants to join me?

Inhale.

Exhale.

Inhale.

Receive the very familiar rejection chorus of I'm doing my homework, I'm snuggling with the dog, I'm going to clean my room, I need to work on my screenplay.

Dodge a kiss from your husband because you don't remember the last time you brushed your teeth. Throw six anchovies into a hot cast iron pan. Thwack the garlic cloves off the microplane grater and watch them merge with the melting fishies. Scare your husband out of the kitchen by turning the radio to Ryan Seacrest's American Top 40. Whisk in dijon, olive oil, scrappily chopped shallots, and one two three big splashes of sherry wine vinegar. Drag your finger through the warm mix. Taste. Forget who you are, where you are, what you are.

Wipe the anchovy grease off the stove with a paper towel and toss it into the overflowing compost bin. Wash, dry, stack, chop the kale. Place in a large bowl. Drizzle with olive oil. 

Smell a fire. Wonder if someone is smoking outside your kitchen window. Imagine smoking your first cigarette in over 18 years. See yourself enjoying an 11 a.m. martini along with that cigarette. Shake shake shake that dream right on out of your head.

Start shifting the leaves between your fingertips.

Smell a fire. Worry that someone's house is burning down.

Squeeze and twist the leaves until they wilt down and explode in all their green glory. Know that you could do this all day long and be quite content.

Look up from the kale and realize that the fire is three feet in front of you in your own kitchen. Yell out unprintable words. Dump an entire box of baking soda on the flaming compost bin. Hide the smoking mess on the back porch. Hose it down.

Resume the massage. Hear a 5-year-old creature creeping up from behind. Spin around and scare your son by flashing oily green hands. Evade his questions about the smoky kitchen. Turn up the radio. Massage the kale in four-handed unison. Belt out I belong with you, you belong with me, you're my sweetheart. Tell your son that kale has been as overplayed in 2013 as this song by The Lumineers. Realize that he has no idea what you're talking about.

Toss the kale with the warm vinaigrette. Turn the radio off. Invite your husband to step away from his screenplay and into the kitchen. Give him a deep anchovy-garlic-flavored kiss. Watch your son scrunch his face up in disgust. Feel happy that he's more grossed out by kisses than by kale.

Motherfucking om.

I've made 20 different kale salads over the past month. A few thoughts:

—I 've used many different kinds of kale. Dinosaur, curly, Siberian, and premier. All with great success.
— You don't have to destem the kale. But according to Dash, it's more enjoyable if you do because then you don't have to pick the stems out of your teeth. Up to you. But don't bother when the leaves are small and delicate.
—If you choose to massage your kale, it will wilt down to about 1/3 of the original amount. So buy a lot of kale!

— These greens will suck up anything you put on them. The dressing must be flavorful or your salad will be boring. High acid. Hella garlic. Generous amount of salt. After massaging with olive oil, you can toss the greens with fresh garlic, olive oil, salt, and lemon juice. Or you can get a bit more complicated and make a warm anchovy garlic vinaigrette (see recipe below). 

— Kale goes beautifully with squash, potatoes, citrus, nuts, cheese, bacon, lamb, chicken. So you can make a side salad or pile on the components and turn the situation into a full meal.

— You can mix the already massaged kale in with other greens such as cabbage, fennel, romaine.

— Once massaged, it holds up really well in the fridge for a few days.

Things to add to the massaged kale:

— Toasted almond, navel orange slices, blue cheese.
— Pine nuts, parmesan, pomegranate molasses, chopped parsley (see first photo below).
— Roasted butternut squash, roasted garlic, thick balsamic vinegar (see second photo below).
— Avocado, tangerine, walnuts.
— Manchego, apple, pecans.
— Balsamic-grilled peaches, goat cheese.
— Flank steak, grilled onions.
— Chicken, caramelized shallots, preserved lemons.

MASSAGED KALE SALAD WITH ANCHOVY GARLIC DRESSING
printable recipe
Here's a template. See above for some possible additions. Almost anything works with kale. It also tastes great very simply dressed.

ingredients:

6 anchovy fillets, packed in oil

3 cloves garlic, grated or very finely chopped
2 tablespoons sherry wine vinegar

1 shallot, chopped (about 1 tablespoon)

1 tablespoon dijon mustard

4-8 tablespoons olive oil (for dressing)

2 big bunches kale (any kind)

3-5 tablespoons olive oil (for massaging kale)

crunchy salt

directions:

Heat a pan on medium heat (I use cast iron for this recipe). Add anchovies. Use a spatula or wooden spoon to help them disintegrate. Once they're a paste, turn heat to low heat and add grated garlic. Cook for about 30 seconds until the garlic smells sweet and fragrant. Whisk in vinegar.  Add shallots and cook for about 30 seconds. Take off the heat. Whisk in mustard. Slowly whisk in half of the olive oil. Taste. Add more olive oil if it's too tangy. 

With a knife or your fingers, strip kale leaves away from the stems. Save stems for vegetable stock or a gratin. Stack leaves. Chop into 2" slices. Wash. Dry. Place kale in a large bowl. Drizzle over a few tablespoons of olive oil. Massage for about 5 minutes. It will wilt down and soften quite a bit. 

Add big pinch of crunchy salt. Drizzle with a few tablespoons of anchovy vinaigrette. Toss. Taste. Let sit for 20 minutes. Taste again. You'll probably need to add a bit more dressing. Serve like this. Or toss with pretty much any meat, poultry, nuts, cheese, or fruit. See options above.

Once massaged, you can refrigerate the kale for a few days and the texture will remain the same. But don't add the vinaigrette until the day you're going to eat the kale.

A FINAL WORD ON PESTO

I sometimes make and freeze big batches of pesto in ice cube trays after the kids have gone to bed.  Bella is my late night pesto taste taster. Even if she has had dessert, brushed her teeth, and gotten in bed she is super psyched to run into the kitchen and eat a big spoonful of warm pesto. This week I threw in broccoli, kale, parsley, and walnuts. The crazy thing is that broccoli normally makes Bella gag. She tasted it without knowing the ingredients and pronounced it "way good."

"Just so you know, that pesto is made with broccoli and kale," I admitted. I thought she would get really pissed off.

"Oh," she said and then paused. "Cool." And then she ran back to bed. She said "cool" like a 14-year old. It freaked me out.

Here are just some of the ways we used the Broccoli, Kale, and Walnut Pesto this week:

1. On bucatini pasta. Dash topped it with extra parmesan, olive oil, and balsamic. We tried to say bucatini 10 times fast while eating. It's hard.

 
 

 2. On brussels sprouts. The pesto melts into the caramelized vegetables and makes them taste so much better than naked brussels sprouts. I know lots of people love brussels sprouts. I never have. I served Dash and Bella big bowls of this dish for dinner with crispy bacon as a spoon. Something absurdly gratifying about getting kids to eat brussels sprouts that are infused with broccoli and kale. It almost sounds like a form of torture (I guess that's why I threw in the bacon). But guess what? THEY ATE EVERY BITE. 

3. As the filling for individual potato gratins layered with balsamic red onions. I baked some off and froze the rest in the ramekins in ziploc bags. See the olive oil I'm drizzling on the tart? Looks pretty but it's overkill. The pesto is full of oil so you don't need to add any additional fat to these gratins.

4. As the filling for a large potato gratin that I cut into squares and served in the middle of my squash and carrot soup. My husband pronounced it genius. And he is crazy critical of my cooking. In a useful way. I swear.

The word pesto comes from the Italian word pestare (to crush/pound).  The French have something similar called pistou that's usually made with basil, garlic, and olive oil (sometimes cheese is added). Some people say that pesto and pistou must be made slowly and lovingly with a mortar and pestle. Yeah, fine, it's great that way but it's still fabulous when it's made in a food processor or blender.

PESTO TIPS:

1. Purée, press, or finely chop the garlic before adding all the other ingredients so that you don't end up with chunks of garlic in the pesto. 
 2. If you're making any kind of green pesto (basil, cilantro, broccoli, arugula, or others), add some lemon juice to help keep it green.
 3. If you're not eating it right away, pour a thin layer of olive oil on top. This will keep the surface from turning brown.

Here are the links to my other pesto recipes plus a few more ideas I'm hoping to try out soon:

• cilantro/parsley/goat cheese 
• lima bean/corn 
• feta/sun dried tomato
• spinach, almonds, lemon zest, manchego
• arugula, pecorino, parmesan, anchovy, lemon zest, and pine nuts
• cauliflower, parmesan, roasted garlic, orange zest, and hazelnuts

BROCCOLI, KALE, PARSLEY, AND WALNUT PESTO printable recipe

2 cups broccoli, cut into medium-sized florets and trimmed

2 cups kale, coarsley chopped

1/3 cup parsley leaves

big pinch of salt

2 cloves garlic

1/2 cup walnuts

1/2 cup olive oil

1/2 lemon, juice and zest

3/4 cup parmesan cheese, grated

Steam broccoli until tender. Throw kale and parsley in with broccoli for final minute of steaming. Make a paste with the garlic and salt with a mortar and pestle or with a chef's knife on the chopping block. In a food processor or blender, place garlic paste, walnuts, olive oil, lemon juice/zest, parmesan, broccoli, kale, parsley, salt and pepper. Pulse a few times, scrape down the sides, pulse again. Taste and add salt and pepper if necessary. Or maybe more lemon. Serve right away. Or store in a jar with a thin layer of olive oil on top to prevent browning.

CARAMELIZED BRUSSELS SPROUTS WITH ONIONS AND BROCCOLI, KALE AND WALNUT PESTO printable recipe

This dish is best room temperature or warm. It's great as a side dish. Or serve it as a main course in a big bowl with 2 strips of bacon over the top.

2 tablespoon butter

1 tablespoon olive oil

3 cups brussels sprouts, cleaned, trimmed and cut in half through the stem end

big pinch of salt

pepper

1/2 yellow or white onion, diced

1/3 cup white wine

1/2 cup broccoli, kale, walnut pesto.

Put butter and olive oil in a large heavy-bottomed pot that has a lid. Turn heat to high and melt butter. Add brussels sprouts and onion. Add salt and pepper. Cook on high heat stirring every few minutes. You want the onions and brussels sprouts to get quite brown, maybe even to burn a bit. Turn heat to medium, add white wine and cook for one minute. Turn heat to low, put on the lid, and cook until brussels sprouts are tender (about 10 minutes). You don't want them to be raw at all for this recipe because you want the brussels sprouts to absorb a lot of the pesto. Place cooked brussels sprouts in a bowl and top with the pesto. Serve immediately with pesto spooned over the top. If you're serving it later mix the pesto in with the warm brussels sprouts so that they melt together. Warm it up on low heat before serving.

POTATO GRATIN WITH BROCCOLI/KALE PESTO AND BALSAMIC SHALLOTS printable recipe

This gratin tastes great with a salad. You can also serve a square of it in the middle of a bowl of squash and carrot soup topped with yogurt and chives. This gratin is delicious but don't be put off by the color. It can turn a bit greenish purple because of the pesto. I undercooked this twice. Carefully test the center to make sure all the potatoes are tender. Undercooked potatoes are such a bummer.

1 cup parmesan cheese, grated

1 cup percorino, grated

4 shallots, peeled and sliced into thin rings

1 tablespoon balsamic vinegar

6-8 medium-sized yukon gold potatoes (don't use Idaho for this recipe)

salt 

pepper

1 1/2 cups broccoli, kale, walnut pesto

Preheat oven to 375º F. Butter 1 large casserole dish (about 8x12) or 6 small ones. Combine the grated cheeses. Place shallots in a bowl and pour over the balsamic. Set aside.

Peel the potatoes and place them in cold water. Warm the pesto in a double boiler if it's not freshly made (to loosen it up). Thinly slice (paper thin) the potatoes with a mandoline, a cuisinart slicer attachment, or by hand. Place half the slices into the pesto and gently mix by hand to coat the slices. Spread one layer of sliced potatoes without the pesto down in the dish, overlapping them. Sprinkle with cheeses, salt, and pepper. Spread out and overlap a layer of potatoes covered with the pesto. Place down another layer of potatoes without the pesto. Sprinkle again with cheeses, salt, and pepper. Alternate pesto, no pesto, pesto, and so on until you reach the top of the dish. Just know that the gratin will sink down a bit so do as many layers as you can and press them down a bit. Make sure the final layer doesn't have pesto. Top the gratin with with the remaining cheeses. Grate more on top if you need to. Scatter balsamic shallots over the top. Bake until the potatoes are tender and the top is golden brown (at least 1 hour and 15 minutes, maybe longer). Turn the oven down or cover the gratin if the top starts to burn. Serve immediately.