GARLIC BABIES

I hike Dash up on my hip, forearm in line with his thoracic spine, fingers lengthening up his neck and into his hair.

Bust apart 3 heads of garlic. It works well to press down on a bulb with your body weight, one palm on top of the other. It's okay if some of the cloves cling together in bunches of 2 or 3.

His legs dangle all the way down to my knees. Swing. Kick. Kick.

Every now and then a clove will explode in the hot oil and shoot up towards the ceiling. To prevent this, poke a tiny hole in each clove with the tip of a paring knife.

I nuzzle my nose into his hair and say, "I think you grew again. How did this happen?"

Place the unpeeled cloves in a large pot and cover with olive oil. You can add extras like salt, a sprig of thyme, or a rosemary branch. Or not.

Dash sighs. He can't believe he has to explain this growing up thing to me again. "Sleep. Food. Sleep. Food. Sleep. THAT'S how it happens, mama."

Or maybe it's all the garlic. I don't know how to cook without it. My children are composed of garlic.

Place pot on the back burner. Bring to the boil.  Do NOT get your face (or your child's) anywhere near the pot. 

I peel Dash off my body and secure him on a stool. We lean forward and peer into a pot that's cooling on the chopping block.

The oil will sputter, so reduce the heat to low the moment it boils.

"Dashi. What is this?"

"Octopus?" he smiles, very pleased with his joke.

"Nope, crazyhead. Not octopus."

Gently simmer the cloves.

"Hm, mama. Let me think. Is it garlic con-FEE?"

Check on the cloves after 20 minutes (scoop one out with a spoon and pierce it with a paring knife). 

"Dashi. What does confit mean?"

"FAT."

"My love, what if we you cooked YOU in fat?"

"But you love me so much you don't want to get me in confit."

The cloves should be soft all the way through, like plump and oily pillows.

"I think you would be delicious that way."

Cool to room temperature.

"Mama, I would tip the oil on the ground, run, and hide. Maybe outside." 

"Dash, what else can we confit?"

You can suck the cooked garlic right out of the skins.

"Animals?"

You can squirt the contents of a few cloves onto grilled bread.

"Yup. Like duck or lamb."

Use the creamy garlic as a base for salad dressing (pestled with anchovy into a paste).

"But, mama, can I shoot the animals first? Can we do that?"

Or mix it with fresh herbs and goat cheese as a topping for lamb chops.

Guns.

The surrounding oil can be used in almost everything.

Lung capacity breath. I get so pissed off when I talk about guns.  Or I start to cry. 

Drizzle it over pizza. Or make a Garlic Confit, Parsley, and Almond Pesto.

The next breath I take is so deep that it lifts and spreads my collarbones.

The cloves (with skins on) and oil will keep in the fridge for a few weeks. Make sure all the cloves are covered with oil.  

Killing a duck and then eating it for dinner? "Okay, Dash. I'm open to that."

"Okay, mama."

THREE THINGS TO DO WITH GARLIC CONFIT (AND ITS SURROUNDING OIL):

1. Corn, Cherry Tomato, Arugula, and Spinach Salad: Cut two ears of corn off the cob. Halve a handful of cherry tomatoes. Heat a skillet. Add 2 tablespoons of garlic confit oil until hot. Toss in corn, tomatoes, and a pinch of salt.  Add 1 tablespoon sherry wine vinegar and big squeeze of lemon. Stir over high heat for 10 seconds. Pour over a big bowl of baby spinach and arugula. Toss. (Optional addition: circle salad with Bacon-Wrapped Figs Stuffed with Goat Cheese.)

2. Garlic Confit Vinaigrette: Mash two of the confited garlic cloves and one anchovy fillet with a mortar and pestle. Add one chopped shallot. Top with 3 tablespoons of a combination lemon juice, white wine vinegar, and sherry wine vinegar. Macerate for 10 minutes. Whisk in 2 teaspoons of dijon mustard. Drop by drop whisk in 6 tablespoons of olive oil (or a combo of olive oil and garlic confit oil). Taste. Adjust. 

3. Lime Potatoes with Poached Eggs: Preheat oven to 375°F. Peel and quarter 12-16 large yukon gold potatoes. Coat with lots of salt, pepper, lime zest, lime juice, and 4 tablespoons garlic confit oil. Place in a pot with a lid or wrap in tin foil. Throw in a few chunks of butter, the juiced lime bodies and some cloves of the confited garlic. Bake 30-45 minutes (stir and check after 20 minutes so bottom potatoes don't burn). Test with a paring knife for doneness (the knife should slip right in). Remove lime bodies. Serve with poached eggs, grated monterey jack cheese, chopped cilantro, sour cream, and hot sauce.

GARLIC CONFIT

Break apart a few heads of garlic. It's okay to have bunches of 2 or 3 cloves. Poke a tiny hole in each clove to prevent the cloves from exploding. Place unpeeled cloves in a deep pot and cover with olive oil. Add pinch of salt and herbs if you desire (sprig of thyme or branch of rosemary). Bring to the boil. Reduce heat right away to prevent spattering. Place on the back burner and don't get your face anywhere near the pot. Simmer until garlic is cooked through, soft, and creamy (20-30 minutes). Cool to room temperature. You can keep the cloves (with skins on) and oil for a few weeks in the fridge. Make sure cloves are covered with oil. Add more oil if you need to. Scoop out oil as needed. Squeeze garlic out of the skins as needed.

ADDENDUM

"You have to be a crazy person to just sit there and eat caramel sauce right out of the jar," said my grandmother.

Just then we looked up and saw my brother scooping caramel from jar to mouth. To be fair, he was gearing up for a caramel sauce taste test. 

My brother declared the one on the right "funky, dank, and luscious." It was the all-around winner.

It's fine to eat caramel by itself. But don't make your final judgements until the sauce has mingled with vanilla ice cream. 

And go a little darker with it than you think you should. The caramel you might like encased in bittersweet  chocolate is different from what works drizzled over vanilla ice cream. It's all about the contrast between the creamy and the burned.

CARAMEL SAUCE

printable recipe

Makes enough to fill a recycled Bonne Maman jar.

ingredients:

3/4 cup heavy cream

1/3 stick salted butter

1 cup sugar
3 tablespoons water

1/3 vanilla bean, halved and seeds scraped out

directions:

Measure out heavy cream and butter and set aside. Place sugar and water in a medium-sized saucepan. Swirl (by the pot handle) around until all the sugar is wet. Add more water if you need to. Place over medium heat. Don't walk away. Swirl around (by the pot handle) if it's not caramelizing evenly. Cook until it's almost at desired color (Grade B maple syrup or darker). Remove from heat and pour in the heavy cream. Careful. It will rise up and spatter. Whisk until combined. Add the butter. Cool for 20 minutes and then whisk in vanilla bean seeds. Store scraped vanilla bean in the caramel. It will keep for a few weeks in the fridge.

WELL TEMPERED

Ice cream camp, chemistry class, and pastry school. All rolled into one. That was our June.

"Bella," I asked, "do you think it's possible to get sick of ice cream?"

Her eyes widened in horror. "What? WHAT are you talking about?"

She is my little addict. 

And the taste tester.

"Mama," said Dash, "we have to caramelize ALL the sugar next time so it's stronger."

Meet the recipe tester.

I'm Julie McCoy AND the fucking dishwasher. 

(photo by bella)

But I'm not complaining. Really.

And now I give you 18 steps, warnings, tips, links, emotional reactions, general observations, and LOTS of unsolicited advice about parenting and the making of ice cream (caramel in particular).

1. In a bowl, whisk together egg yolks, half and half, and salt. Be brave with the salt. The caramel needs it.

2. Measure out your heavy cream and set it aside. This is the fat that you're going to pour into the caramelized sugar. This is not a time for lowfat substitutions. Half and half or whole milk will curdle.

3. If you're a kid in my kitchen and you're not being safe around caramel, I will swear at you, grab you, or push you out of the way. Sugar doesn't even start to caramelize until around 330° F. Just remember that scary temperature. 330°F.

4. Danger aside, don't let the technical aspects of caramel scare you. In a deep pot, coat the sugar with a big splash of water (water gives you a bit more control). Swirl (by the pot handle) over medium heat until the sugar dissolves and the water evaporates. It will boil, thicken, and start to change color. Swirl it a bit more if it's not caramelizing evenly. The burning sugar will smell woody, smoky, sweet. It's ready when it's the shade of Grade B maple syrup (or the color of my Ikea Stockholm coffee table). It will continue to darken even after you remove it from the heat.

5. Carefully pour in the heavy cream.

6. And then stand back.

7. Hitting caramelized sugar with heavy cream brings about quite a reaction. The mixture will rise up, almost overflowing. And then (big relief) it will start to settle back down into a calmer (but still confused) ocean of sugar, curds, and whey. Whisk it vigorously and it will unite into a creamy golden syrup.

8. At this point, Dash has been known to squeal, "Mama, this caramel is un-be-leeeeeeeevable." Caramel makes me feel this way too. It's one of those transformations that astonishes every time. The smell, the heat, the color.

9.  SLOWLY pour the caramel into the egg mixture. This allows the eggs to adjust to the change in temperature without getting stressed out.

10. Pour the mixture back into the original caramel pot (so as not to waste any little drips or drops). 

11. Set aside your whisk and bring out a wooden spoon. Place back on medium heat. And start stirring.

12. Don't walk away.  Or you will have caramel-flavored scrambled eggs.

13. Watch, feel, and smell for the shift in viscosity.

14. As you stir, the thin custard will slap against the sides of the pot like waves against the side of a boat. As it thickens, the gliding spoon will cause the custard to rise up and settle back down without much of a splash. The whirlpools will slow down. 

15. To confirm that it's done, do the drag-your-finger-across-the-back-of-the-wooden-spoon test. It's ready when your finger leaves a lovely lingering trail.

16. Pour the custard through a fine strainer and place in an ice water bath. 

17.  Cool the custard in the fridge for a few hours. Pour the custard into an electric machine. Or hand churn it. Or do David Leibowitz's no-machine method. Whatever works. Scrape finished ice cream into a chilled bowl.

18. Phew.

 "Mama, did you know we're masters of making ice cream?"

"Well, Dashi. We're trying."

Over.  And over. And over. And over again.

CARAMEL ICE CREAM

printable recipe

feeds 1-6 people

ingredients:

1 1/2 cups heavy cream

1 1/2 cups half and half

6 egg yolks

big big pinch of salt

a little less than 2/3 cup sugar
1/4 cup water

directions:

Measure out heavy cream and set aside.

Whisk together half and half, yolks, and salt. Set aside.

Prepare a water bath. Place fine strainer over a medium-sized bowl. Immerse bottom of medium bowl in a large bowl filled with ice and water.

Place sugar and water in a medium-sized saucepan. Swirl around until all the sugar is wet. Add more water if you need to. Place over medium heat. Don't walk away. Swirl around a bit if it's not caramelizing evenly. Cook until it's almost at desired color (Grade B maple syrup). Remove from heat and carefully pour in the heavy cream. Whisk until it comes together. You might need to place it back on the heat for a minute to dissolve the caramel.

Very slowly whisk the caramel mixture into the egg mixture. Pour combined mixture back into the caramel pan.

Cook on low heat, stirring occasionally with a wooden spoon until it thickens slightly. It's done when you drag your finger across the back of the wooden spoon and it leaves a trail that stays.

Pour mixture through the fine strainer into the bowl that's over the ice bath. Leave bowl over the ice bath until it's cool. Stir every 10 minutes or so. Place sarah wrap on top surface of custard to prevent a skin from forming. Refrigerate custard for several hours. Freeze ice cream according to manufacturer's directions. Freeze for a few hours before serving.

RED, ORANGE, PINK, AND GREEN

DETAILS + RECIPES:

Summer Squash and Onion Gratin with Garlic Chive oil and Lime. Trim squash and chop into somewhat even chunks (no need to peel it). Peel and thinly slice onion. Use your hands to coat squash and onion with salt, pepper, and lime zest/juice. Finely chop garlic chives (or regular chives). Mash chopped chives and olive oil with a mortar and pestle. Taste. If it's too pungent, add some more olive oil. Generously drizzle chive oil over the squash. Use your hands again to combine. Finish off with bread crumbs, grated parmesan cheese, and quarter-sized dollops of butter. Bake at 375°F until top is crisp and brown and the squash is just tender. Eat right away. OR use as the base for a pasta sauce. OR serve in a pita with yoghurt, cucumber, and garlic chive oil raita (topped with chopped mixed herbs).

These are Bella's summer aspirations involving peaches. The smudged final item on the list is "grilled peach salad." She added it for me. Reluctantly.

Galette of Nectarines and Foraged Plums. Store bought (always) puff pastry. Macerate pitted stone fruit with lemon juice/zest, salt, vanilla, and a vigorous sprinkling of turbinado sugar. Maybe a splash of Grand Marnier? Paint the edges with a mixture of 1 egg + 2 tablespoons heavy cream. For extra crunch, coat glazed edges with more turbinado sugar. Bake at 375°F until fruit is bubbling and puff pastry is crisp and lightly browned. Eat the galette for breakfast topped with crème fraîche. Or ice cream. Ice cream for breakfast. Fuck yeah. It's summer.

INVENTION

I love coming up with new recipes. And so do my kids. Dash's latest is Supersonic Air Cream Pie. Combine eggs, chocolate, mint, basil, thyme, cream, and ice cubes and then bake at 350°F. It's edible. Really.

Last year, the editors at Real Simple asked some of their favorite food bloggers to come up with 3-ingredient recipes. Dash and I collaborated and made Bacon-Wrapped Broiled Figs with Goat Cheese. 3-year old Dash gleefully stuffed, snipped, and posed.

This year,  Real Simple is asking their readers to come up with the 3-ingredient recipes. The winning recipes will be featured on Real Simple's blog: Simply Stated. This is the final week of the competition so head on over right away!

BLACK AND WHITE

"Mama, what do anchovies do in school?"

Bash 10 anchovies with a mortar and pestle.

"They don't go to school. They swim in schools. With their families."

"Do they have teachers?"

Don't stop until the anchovies are creamy. Two-handed bashing works well for 4-year olds.

"Mama, does everybody love their parents?"

"I don't know. What do you think?"

"I don't know."

"Well, Dash, do you love ME?"

Hearty laugh followed by, "I love you because you're my MOMMY. Why wouldn't I love you?"

Add a stick of soft unsalted butter. 

"What do you love about me?"

"Mama, I love gardening with you."

"What else?"

"Maybe only that."

"Do you love making anchovy butter with me?"

"Uh-huh. Mama. I REALLY do."

Mix until butter and anchovies are fully integrated.

"Mama. Hey. What are you writing there?"

"I was writing a story about you."

Taste. Add salt if needed.

"Can you read me the story you wrote?"

"Sure, Dash."

Spoon into a ramekin. Dip. Lick. Repeat.

"Once upon a time there was a little boy named Dash. He loved to slurp up anchovies, just like his mama. He even asked if we could grow anchovies on the back porch..."

In case you need ideas for what the hell to DO with anchovy butter:

1. Use as a dip for carrots, radishes, celery or breadsticks.

2. Smear on grilled bread. Top with peeled and halved 5-minute eggs and chopped chives.

2. Add to cooked pasta with lots of parmesan, chopped herbs, and some pasta water.

(photo by Bella)

SHARING

When I first had children, there were very few signs that those squirming, pooping, and screaming creatures were related to me. There might have been a familiar eye color or expression, but that was about it. And then as toddlers they just seemed like crazy drunks.  There was no time to even think about what we had in common with all their drama and my constant fatigue. 

But now that Bella is older, I can't stop seeing myself. There's the arch of my foot, the curve of my shoulder, and the diagonal line of my tricep. When Bella sits, she crosses and then double crosses her legs just like I always have.

When I was Bella's age, a crazy hormonal monster used to wake me up early in the morning. So I would read to pass the time. This same monster has been visiting Bella for about 6 months. Thank god she loves books or she would just be staring at the wall until the sun came up.

Early yesterday morning, I went in to kiss Bella and she had already been reading for an hour. I stroked her hair, rubbed my finger against her check, and said, "Happy summer." And then I got all goofy and full of pride and excitement about her love of reading and I told her that something really exciting would happen if she read 100 books this summer.

"Like what will happen?" Bella asked.

"Um. Like something hella awesome." I hadn't had coffee yet. 

"Mama. Wait. 100 books is a lot. How about 60?"

"Deal, my love."

She skipped lunch and finished A Wrinkle in Time by dinner. 

Oh how I love Bella's ability to focus. It's just like her daddy's. 

And I love summer. Dash's optimism. My husband's support. Anchovies. HBO's Treme. New York City. My kids' faces when I give them ice cream (intake of breath, huge smile, pink cheeks).

A few months ago, babble.com asked me for an original recipe. I decided it was time to explore ice cream.  We haven't stopped churning batch after batch of eggs, cream, half and half, and sugar.

Over-the-knee boots. Harold McGee. My husband's sense of humor. Michael Ruhlman's Sex and Chicken article. Ina May Gaskin. Warm ice cream base.

The enhancements (flavorings, chunks, toppings) vary, but our base is always the same. And that base—just thickened, poured through a strainer, cooled in an ice bath—is one of the most comforting things I've ever spooned into my mouth. 

My mortar and pestle. Parents as grandparents. Avocados. Truly Madly Deeply. Heirloom tomatoes. Pergolesi's Stabat Mater. Writing. Caramelized onions. Crimes and Misdemeanors. Homemade chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream.

We made some mistakes in those early batches. Too much cream. An overcooked custard. Not enough sugar. But now we've got it down.

My camera. Adele's voice. James Joyce. Pandora. Nigel Slater. Annie Hall. Yoga. My nephew. My old dog. Martinis. Cooking for my husband. La Tur cheese. Vanilla bean ice cream licked right off the mixing paddle.

"You learn from mistakes" is one of those expressions that no one wants to hear. Recipes are a really safe way for kids to explore this annoying message. Trial and error. Sometimes entire batches of ice cream are thrown out. It's okay. We start again.

Sardines. Birth. Pizza. Sardines on pizza. Writing recipes. Crème fraîche. Chocolate.

Check it (my new favorite expression from my friend Jen). My recipe for Creme Fraiche Stracciatella Ice Cream is over at babble.com in a feature called Meals for the Family: Over 50 Best Recipes from the 100 Best Food Blogs. Thank you babble.com. You brought ridiculous amounts of ice cream and joy into my home.