Friday, May 10, 2013

THIS MORNING I YELLED

at my son for refusing to put on his shoes, at my clean unfolded laundry for covering the couch, at the rats for reproducing and forcing me to kill their babies, at my daughter for taking 30 minutes to choose a pair of earrings, at the black mold in my bathroom, at my kids in the carpool drop-off line to hurry up and don't forget your lunch please say thank you to the woman opening the door Bella don't hit Dash even though he's annoying. I thought I was done yelling. And then that new Taylor Swift song came on. So I yelled at Taylor as I drove to the grocery store.

No, Taylor, I really don't feel 22. I have a cranky sacrum because something shifted down there during my second pregnancy. If I jump up too quickly to prevent my son from stepping out in front of a moving car, my right knee snaps like a rubber band, but I run through the pain because trust me, that's just what you do. My brain is a bit shaky lately as in I never stop saying where are my glasses, where are my fucking keys, where's that camp form, who stole my sunglasses. But here's the good news, Taylor. I've started reading entire books again for the first time in 10 years, slurping up hundreds of pages just like I used to inhale the Esprit Catalog. Let's talk about my breasts, Taylor. I think they would scare you. Last week my husband stared at them lovingly in the light of day and started singing Swing Low Sweet Chariot. I didn't punch him, Taylor. I kissed him. Hard. Because he's funny. And as he taught me, comedy ain't pretty. I used to cry over episodes of ER. Now I cry while spying out the attic window on the all-grown-up tuxedoed neighbor boy, piling with his buddies into daddy's minivan, smoothing down his hair, gearing up for the big prom night. Without missing a beat, I can answer questions like do people eat cow brains, what is a MILF, when is our dog dying, can we go to Disneyland this weekend. I actually say things like do as I say not as I do, don't run with scissors, use your inside voice, if you have nothing nice to say then don't say anything at all. I have this uncontrollable urge to watch my children sleep. I kiss kiss kiss them until they're awake enough to say I love you back. On a daily basis I hear how much I'm hated, how I never say yes, how I'm the meanest person on the planet. I haven't breastfed in almost five years but an expression of love, via a kid's hand on my heart, or a word uttered at just the right moment, or a glance smile sigh, will make my milk let down. My weekends are no longer mine. I will never ever sleep through the night again. But if people are telling me the truth, this phase will be over in a flash and I will be left with that quiet house I currently crave so much and an obsessive lifelong desire for my kids to come home please come home as often as you want please come home. So when I need a break or a breath or a boost or a shift, I make some ice cream. The great neutralizer. I think you might like my strawberry ice cream, Taylor. I would love to serve you some on my back porch. And then we can listen to The Cure and dance around the kitchen with hairbrushes as microphones and be hella carefree. Much to my kids' horror, I do this on a regular basis. I don't know about you, Taylor, but I feel 43.

STRAWBERRY VANILLA BEAN ICE CREAM

printable recipe
This recipe works very well with early season strawberries, ones that aren't very sweet and might not be red all the way through. Macerating them all day results in a beautiful red juice. The strawberry slices stay quite firm which adds a nice texture to the ice cream. The leftover strawberry sauce is delicious over greek yoghurt or on buttered toast. The strawberry sauce and ice cream base should be made ahead of time and chilled overnight. This recipe makes a pretty big batch. Depending on the size of your machine, you might need to churn it in 2 batches.

ingredients:
1 pint of strawberries (a bit more than a cup once sliced)
2 tablespoons white sugar
1/2 vanilla bean, halved lengthwise. seeds scraped out
1  1/2  cups half and half
2/3 cup sugar
6 egg yolks
pinch of salt
1  1/2  cups heavy cream

directions (strawberry sauce):
Stem and thinly slice strawberries. Sprinkle with 2 tablespoons sugar. Add vanilla bean pod and seeds. Stir. Set aside for most of the day. Stir every hour or so. Once the berries have spewed out their vibrant red juice, refrigerate  for a few days (careful, it will mold fast due to minimal sugar) or freeze it for a few months.

directions (ice cream custard):
Set up an ice bath for the ice cream base. Add a few cups of ice to a large bowl. Put a smaller bowl in the larger bowl. Place a fine strainer on top of the small bowl. Set aside.

In a medium-sized bowl, whisk together half and half, sugar, yolks, and salt. Set aside.

Place heavy cream in a medium-sized saucepan. Turn to medium heat. Bring to just under the boil. Turn off heat. Slowly whisk hot cream into half and half/yolk/sugar mixture. Pour  mixture back in pot and place on low heat. Stir with a wooden spoon. Do not leave the custard even for a moment. Stir the whole time or you will have some scrambled eggs on the bottom. It will slowly thicken. It's done when you drag a finger across the back of the spoon and it leaves a lingering trail that doesn't close in on itself.

Pour custard through the strainer and into the smaller bowl. Add water to the ice until it rises to the level of the custard. When custard is cool, cover and place in the fridge overnight. 

Place a serving container for the ice cream in the freezer. Mix together cold custard with one cup of cold strawberry sauce (juice and chunks; vanilla pod removed). Churn in your ice cream machine according to manufacturer's instructions. Freeze for a few hours before serving. 

45 comments:

  1. You made me want to call my mom and apologize for moving so far away.

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  2. Nailed it. Fuck yeah. And I don't even have kids!

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  3. Oh my goodness. Yes, this is me. (My kids are a bit younger, but yes to everything, even the knee! The snap! Every time!). You're amazing.

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  4. I miss my mom! She lives far away, and you make me want to hug the hell out of her.

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  5. love this. such a great post - and that ice cream sounds perfect for this weekend!

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  6. Oh boy, that is definitely how I feel sometimes too. And now I feel like having ice cream. Happy Mother's day!

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  7. I have a 19 months old toddler. I try to push myself hard so that I get to spend time with my daughter amidst job, household chores + a food blog. I have to make this icecream for her who truly madly deeply loves strawberries.

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  8. Makes me cry. Every post you say how I feel.

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  9. Damn, you're good. If Taylor can't make it, can I come over?

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  10. Very entertaining! Loved it. I have a 16m old that is not YET where your kids are but I have a pretty demanding and disobedient dog that drives me crazy!

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  11. oooh this is lovely and just how I feel. My 43 is good, challenging and a whole lot better than 22. Ice cream does have a way of making me feel better too. Love it..

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  12. Oh you make me feel normal. Thank you xx

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  13. I went and watched the video (because I missed it? somehow?) then came back to read this. Perfect. Even though I am closer to 22 than 43, 22 looks a little selfish and exhausting in her video and I'm thinking 43 sounds fuller... but still exhausting. And now I'll go have ice cream, the great neutralizer.

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  14. Oh Dear, Out of breath with grinning and crying at the same time and craving ice cream which my teens, currently trying no-dairy as a way to control acne, would not eat if I made it. But, being on the other side of 43 and doing Zumba this morning with all kinds of other mothers let out of the house on a Saturday morning, I realize all we needed were the hairbrushes. Got it. I am going to link to this post in my 'Putting Motherhood on the Front Page' posts on my site this week. Glad to be here. xo S

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    1. it's the grinning and crying at the same time that blows me away. something about this post did that to quite a few women. very moving. thank you so much for your words. and i loved seeing what you're doing at "putting motherhood on the front page." xoxo

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  15. Oh, such fun. And what kid, this one included does not like fresh ice cream? I guess I'll never agree with everything, but I do enjoy reading your writings. Your two kids are cute and seem to be about as normal, ideal as they come - even of they get hollered at/about once in a while. They are resilient and they know who makes the ice cream. Go for it!

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  16. I'll get to read books again?! Fantastic! This post is just perfect perfect perfect. Exactly how I'm feeling at the moment.....and now I'm wishing I had an ice cream maker. Dang.

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  17. I was looking for health related website to review many issue. Now I’ve found your blog site with lots of amazing information. You did really excellent work. I’ll read your blog regular basis.

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  18. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  19. Your post reminded me of this quote:

    “Look at everything as though you were seeing it either for the first or last time. Then your time on earth will be filled with glory.” - Betty Smith

    It's how I try to live too.

    Happy Mother's Day Phyllis! <3

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  20. I'm pretty sure you are my hero now.

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  21. Our son is only 4 months old, but I can understand already (at 35) where you're at. SOOO looking forward to trying him out in the kitchen in a couple of years :)

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  22. I, too, used to cry at E.R., now laughing to hard make me cry and feel a little bit unhinged!

    I love your blog and I hate our rats just as mucb as you seem to hate yours, "Get the f out of my house....and how do you possibly get in my freaking couch?! Like seriously? My couch?"
    It's too much.

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    1. i found rat poops in my son's lunch box this morning. i hear you. it's crazy.

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  23. Nodding, nodding, nodding my head. I turn 43 in July. I'm emailing you today to get a lunch date on the calendar. It's time.

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  24. Unfortunately it's been foever since I've had home-made ice cream. Thank you so much for the great recipe. My kids will definitey consider me their hero, thanks so much!

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  25. 43 scares me, but hey it coming in August whether I want it to or not! They grow too darn fast if you ask me. That ice cream looks good. Thanks for this post

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  26. the instructions are missing when to add the 2/3 c sugar. my custard was almost there and then i tasted it and noticed it wasn't sweet. i added the sugar and it curdled. :(

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    1. beth. oh my god. it's fixed. thank you so so much for telling me. i am very grateful.

      what i've found with the sugar is that you can add it either to the cream as you bring it to the bowl or whisk it into the half and half/yolk mixture. in this case, i suggest the half and half mixture.

      curdling. oy. what a crappy thing to have happen. i'm so so sorry.

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  27. I really love your blog. That shot of the strawberry ice cream is killer.

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  28. I love homemade ice cream. I usually use whole eggs. I have used egg yolks once, though. Very rich! I find that adding a bit of xanthan gum, about 1 - 1 1/2 teaspoons makes it chewy, like the stuff we buy in the stores. I'm still experimenting with the amounts though.

    Love your blog, writing, and photos. You rock!

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  29. You're inspiring me to make true homemade ice cream - and not just the no-cook ben and jerry's version. Custard ice cream... mmmmm.

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  30. Found the best app for sharing recipes ever! It’s called Heirloom Recipes my sister just got it today and emailed me a recipe with the link and I got the free version to try it and OMG I imported the recipe right into the app no typing or anything! The email had the link to the free one: https://itunes.apple.com/app/id617619870. I’m going to send this back to her so she can make it for her kids. They will love this ice cream. Maybe ill win best aunt award after all. Thanks!!!

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  31. I have to let you know that I made this. And it was my first batch of ice cream. Ever. It turned out perfect and it tasted like summertime.
    Then I tried to make it again and I curdled the custard, or maybe I did that scrambled egg thing that you warned about.
    Either way, I'll be making it again. Beginner's luck made the first batch good and I think "third time's a charm" should make my next batch good too!

    Thanks for sharing your recipe!

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    1. so sorry about the curdling. are you aware of anything you did differently the 2nd time? custard can be tricky. maybe next time keep the heat quite low so can really watch. let me know how it goes!

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  32. Good to know that I am not the only one who would yell

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  33. you made me laugh this morning and then tear up - thanks for the great words!

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  34. Oh I've been on a yelling streak but we are practicing self-control, and then BAM, I yell some more! Motherhood changes who you are to the core! Preach it ;)

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  35. This was such a lovely post and excuse me while I send my mom a whatsapp and remind both of us that I'll be home in less than a month. And then I will make her this ice cream.

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  36. I'm 43 and that's just how I feel... thank you for this.

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